This week my pain level has been through the roof and my energy down in the basement, thanks in part to the Epstein Barr Virus (glandular fever) that has now been triggered in my system. The NHS website says that if you have had it once you are unlikely to get it again. Try telling that to Lyme Disease! My EBV markers were dormant when last tested a few months ago but in my recent test it is on the rampage again. I wonder if EBV and Lyme fight against each other or throw a party? Either way – I feel rubbish!
Time for distractions
As part of my 50 at 50, I took an art class as had always want to be able to draw or paint. My drawing and pastel work was much better than my painting. I realised this week that I was still running with a negative belief pattern about myself – ‘I can’t paint’.
This week I let go of the ‘I can’t’ and attempted an Irish Wolf Hound in acrylics. My version might not be the best but it isn’t bad! In letting go of the ‘I can’t’, I have produced something that is quite reasonable. I have also let go of the ‘I can’t paint in watercolour’ (or rather ‘I am useless at painting in water colours’ (!), and produced this Budha.
It really hit home to me this week that if I think about things too much it doesn’t go so well. If I am mindful and just allow it to flow, it goes much better.
I need to be mindful
Being fully present and mindful, is allowing me to experience things differently. It means I can keep myself in a more positive frame of mind and not have the pain, headaches and chronic fatigue dominate my every thought and movement. Mindfulness allows what I am doing to be the primary focus and the pain and my ill-health, to be secondary. That way I am not allowing my ill-health to dominate me.
So I have decided on a way forward and I am creating a 360 degree attack on my ill health.
I’ve made a list. (I do like a good list!)
I am breaking this down and going right back to basics. I am going to work out what my immune system needs and what my cells and brain cells need for optimum performance. I am going to work out what I need to tackle all the diseases that I have. (That could take a while as the list is getting longer and I am still waiting on more results!). I am going to work out what feeds the diseases and what starves them. So as well as what nutrients I need, I am going to work out what the anti-nutrients are.
Vitamins, herbs and supplements will play their part, so they will be thrown into the mix. As will a good look at toxins as I have far too many of them in my system already.
My Physical Wellbeing
I have started wearing a wristband again to track my steps and sleep. On a bad day I am lucky if I can move for more than 200 paces (or crawls). On a good day I have managed about 2000. That is a far cry from the recommended 10,000, so I have to find what my platform is. What can I do in a day that gives me a foundation for improvement rather than over doing it and spiraling backwards for 3 or 4 days?
Keeping my mood and thoughts in positive mode is the foundation stone for me. Without that, I know I won’t have the desire to cook let alone work out what is best for me or to try to get moving more. Managing my stress levels and pain will be key. Meditation and ways to bring in relaxation will balance me reading and attempting bits of work. I love what I do, so being able to get back to some level of work is going to be part of the positivity and focus.
No more ‘I can’t”
My future has to be one where I am well enough to live rather than just exist.
It might take me a while, but I will find my way out of this awful disease.
And that, my friends, is why there will be no more ‘I can’t’.
Because I can, I choose to and I will!